How Do We Keep Them from Taking Over?
There are doubts that we create in our own minds; and there are comments that other people make that we give heed to. Both of these can create doubts in our own minds, so let’s take a look at each of them.
Our Own Thoughts
Through many conversations over the last several months, I’ve realized everyone has doubts. (And just to be clear - Not all of these conversations were with myself, lol.) Everyone speaks poorly to themselves at some time. The trick is when it truly attacks you and your soul and how to turn it around (ie stop!)? Have you listened to any podcasts or stories where people have shared their own thoughts of inadequacies? Some names that I know - Ed Mylett, Jamie Kern Lima, Brendon Burchard, Oprah Winfrey - I am sure there are many more. These are big names, having sizeable net worths - and yet they struggled (& at least some will say they still do) with feelings of inadequacy or lack of worth or just simple worthiness (or should I be more clear and call it worthlessness). And it is not about the net worth. The point is, money does not create or even change one’s mindset. Mindset is completely about the individual. What am I thinking about me? (And what are you thinking about when it comes to you?)
If you can agree with me then many of us talk negatively to ourselves. Consider, how does that serve you? Are you somehow comforted with the fact that others have negative thoughts? Meaning you and they may not be that different? Do you find it helpful? Or do you find it disturbing that you have the (negative) thoughts? I do find some comfort. The key word is “some.” We are ALL human; with human shortcomings, and the thoughts that go with that. However, if I find that the comments are taking control of me, and bringing me down, I now start to get a little frustrated that I am losing control of me. (Maybe “little” isn’t even the best description. I can get mighty down on myself for thinking negatively. (Just ask my family, if I can be hard on myself.)
So what do we do?
Just accept that we are like others in our negativeness? Well, do they accept that they have negative thoughts like we do and just dwell on those thoughts? Some do. But those that have truly created a grander life and add value to the lives of others - Absolutely not! They fight those thoughts. They find ways to move past those thoughts. They move into a world of confidence, self-worth, and personal worthiness through the knowledge and acceptance of the positive things that they believe and that build them up. For me, I have a journal that focuses on things I am learning, which often includes mindset. This idea may or may not help you.
It’s a matter of choice.
At Leadership Harbor, we like to call this your Circle of Control. It’s where you get to be in charge of you. If you want greater control over your mindset, something has to change. The worst example is when people say, “I’ll just stop having those thoughts.” To which I reply, how often have you said that to yourself? And how often has that worked in the past. Answer: Never, lol. You’ve heard the saying, if you keep doing the same thing, and you keep getting the same results, not the results you are looking for, that’s the definition of insanity.
Hey, no one said that life was going to be easy. In fact, sometimes, it is downright terrifying. And it is important to realize that people will quit on you. You must get up every day and make sure you do not quit on yourself. It’s not how many times you get knocked down that matters….it’s how many times you decide to get back up and get back into the game.
I’m working with someone that is watching the Michael Jordan “Last Dance” movie/documentary. It’s motivating him to decide to do just that - get into the game!
Other’s Comments that Impact Our Own Thoughts
Beside the thoughts that we create ourselves. We also create thoughts from the words that others say about us. Why am I concerned about other people, and their thoughts and actions? Why am I comparing myself to them? Does it serve me? Same goes for you. Why are you concerned about what other people say about you? Some of us are “wired” in our personalities to be affected by this, and some significantly so - we take others’ comments and make them personal. Then we get emotional. Then we lose control……wow!
What are you concerned about when it comes to others’ thoughts and actions? There’s a reason. What is that reason? I know how difficult that question is. Because if you truly could easily identify that reason, you’d be changing it already. (Here’s where I suggest getting a Thinking Partner, a Coach, to work through this.) Nevertheless, it is also reminding me of one of my favorite quotes, “What other people think of you is none of your business.”
“What other people think of you is none of your business.” Regina Brett
If you want to get someone on your side, get an accountability partner; or consider a coach. Let’s get that belief in you cranked up; and let’s see what is possible! If you really want to change your life, begin by changing your words. Start by speaking the words of your dreams, of who you want to become, not the words of fear and failure. Robert T. Kiyosaki
Win more days in a row, and pretty soon, you’ll be winning the week! Win enough weeks, and you’ll win the month! Win enough months, and at the end of the year, you’ll hardly recognize the person you used to be!
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